20 Ways to Say No for People Pleasers
Updated: Nov 15, 2022
So you can say YES to what matters the most.
Speaking the word "no" isn't difficult. Yet, so many people say yes to projects, showing up, doing things they don't really want to do. Why is it so difficult to say no? Why do you neglect your own wants and needs in order to do things for other people, at the expense of yourself? Often, it's because you are thinking it means something about you when you say no. Such as you are letting someone down or you may think your not good enough if you can't do this one more thing.
First things first: It's OK to say NO to some things so you can say YES to yourself, your values and priorities (and not feel guilty about it).
Tip #1 - There's nothing wrong with you
Saying no to someone or something doesn't mean that you aren't good enough or you're a failure.
Your brain may offer you that thought... but it's just a thought and isn't necessairly true.
Tip #2 - Get to the root of the issue
If you want to change the way you handle these situations... you will need to change your thinking around the issue.
Journaling can be really helpful to uncover your subconscious thinking. Ask yourself why you think this is a problem. If you think it means your letting someone down, ask yourself what this means about you? Why is this a problem? Keep asking why, with curiousity and no judegement.
This is deep work. Be gentle with yourself. Once you have clarity on what you are making it mean about yourself when you say NO, you can examine the reasoning logically. It's likely many of your reasons are thoughts, fears and based on past experiences... but not necessairly true.
Tip #3 - Practice
Practice and role play different scenarios and saying no. You can do this in the mirror on your own, or with a trusted friend or spouse.
Like any new skill it will feel unfamiliar at first. So, the more you do it, the more comfortable it will be.
Tip #4 - Get Coaching
Coaching provides a safe, supportive environment for you to shift into new patterns and habits.
Knowing the information is helpful. But often after reading something like this you will still go back to what is familair.
If you really want to make changes- stop overthinking, putting others first at the expense of yourself- you need a guide. You need an experienced coach to teach you new skills and help you practice & incorporate them into your daily life.
Schedule a free consult with me today.
It's OK to say NO to somethings- so you can say YES to others.
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